HAVE YOU HUGGED A PEST TODAY? ....a wikimedia pest

Friday, July 03, 2009

How To Pick Up Women....

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How To Pick Up Women
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Strategies and suggestions
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for picking up ladies
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in special situations
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by Carl Baydala
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CONTENT WARNING
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Special notice to my valued readers:
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The following article is not suitable for all people. The subject matter is sexual in nature and is intended for a mature audience only. If you are offended easily by sexual humor then I would suggest you not read the content below.
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Friends, I know from some of the feedback that I am getting that a lot of you guys are having trouble picking up that special woman in your life. Well, now you can relax because I have the solution to all of your problems regarding the fair sex. I have developed some methods for handling all kinds of delicate situations and I am willing to share these with you now. Some of these techniques are aimed at younger women, while some are geared to picking up huge women or " fat chicks ", and even the very elderly as well.
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I am aware that some of you guys like the larger well-endowed women, for example, and I certainly understand why. Many of these women are fun to be with, great in bed, and have wonderful personalities too. I have developed some solutions for you should you run into difficulties with the larger women as you attempt to pick them up. It is all here friends. I also know that some men prefer the older more experienced women too. And, once again I am here to help you with the special problems associated with the elderly. This is a very sensitive area as you can well imagine, picking up an elderly lady and working with her in a sexual situation, I mean. And, then there are the younger, attractive girls, the pretty ones that we all dream about. Friends, you can quit your dreaming and worrying because all of these women can be picked up by you when and if those special situations arise in your life - and I will now show you how. And, my methods are guaranteed and proven to work.
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Rest assured that ALL women can be picked up. These are proven techniques that I am about to explain to you now. And, I offer these solutions as a public service to my fellow man in the pursuit of the special woman in his life.
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Yours Truly
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Summer 2008
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Friends, what I want to start out with is the idea of becoming " sensitized " to the needs of females. Females never forget that you treated them right - even at the very earliest of ages. So, I recommend that you think back in time and recall the best moments that you had with the women in your life. It could have been some sexual encounter or some other special moment that clings to your mind because of some fond memory about an experience with a female. Think also of those times that you did something that a woman appreciated and recall how she felt - and how you felt by doing something for her. It could be something simple like holding a door open for her to complimenting her on her appearance or even changing a tire for her when she was stranded on the road. Maybe you helped your female neighbour fix a sink or escorted a lady to a dance or to a movie. And, maybe you even bought some flowers for a girl when she was not even expecting it. Recall how appreciative she was during all of these experiences and realize that women like specialized attention and your ability to anticipate their needs. And, this is the key point friends - that you were sensitive enough to know what to do in a given situation and what you did was the best possible thing that you or anyone could have done to please your lady friend. You were her hero and her man because you understood what she wanted - and you produced for her.
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Women also need to know that they are appreciated and that you are there to help them or simply honor them in whatever way you can. Knowing these things will help when those moments arrive when you have to have specialized knowledge in the picking up of women. And, that is the area of our concern right now - the picking up of women. You will have acquired this valuable experience because you appreciate women and know what to do at the right time and in the right place.
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The first thing that I want to do is to tell you how to handle the picking up of an older women in your life. The following is an example of an experience that you may encounter at some point in your life, so it is best to be prepared - for the unexpected. All women need and expect love as I have already explained to you, so keep this thought in mind when you are dealing with older, experienced women. These women have seen and done everything so you must respect their past as this relates to their expectations from you, the person who has now become her lover. Many elderly women are looking for younger men in their lives as well. So, this is certainly an added advantage to those of you who want to be with a woman who knows how to do things. A special note of caution is warranted here, however. Some of these older women do not necessarily think about the kind of risk involved in having sex at an advanced age. Like some men, they think that they can fornicate until they die. Just like men, many of them are thinking about sex and jumping into bed with the first young guy or girl that comes along. That is the good part of course, that they are eager, I mean. You will most likely have a good deal of success with the older women because their chances for bedroom activity gets slimmer day by day. So, you are indeed a blessing to them should you venture into their lives and desire them. But, now that you have become a sensitized male you will be better able to appreciate the risks involved in having sex with older women and that helps you to plan more effectively for your love-making sessions with these ladies.
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Certain unique situations may arise where you need to pick these women up. Look at the woman below. Examine how enthusiastic she is. She is possibly thinking about having sex with you. Will you be ready for her and will you know how to ' pick her up ' should the need arise?
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Could you deny this woman a few drops of pleasure in her advanced years? Of course not. It is your duty as a man to try and help her out. If she is looking for that final pleasure romp why would you deny her such a wish as that? You would be cruel to make her suffer so. If you spot that twinkle in her eye then you know that you are on the road to first base and beyond. It is almost guaranteed. In fact, it is guaranteed. But, to really pick her up involves some planning and preparation on your part as I stated above. You need to purchase some special equipment for your aging love partner, just in case. This involves only a modest outlay for you. I recommend a second hand medical equipment supply store if you are not willing to part with a lot of money for your elderly love mate. You can keep the equipment that you need stored away in the closet or even in the basement or garage. Before you invite the lady over to your house I recommend that you have the device below handy in the bedroom. You do not have to tell the lady what it is for if she starts asking questions. You can lie to her a bit if you like and say it is a special bed for special love making. That should get a giggle out her of course.
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Friends, I cannot warn you enough about the dangers involved with the older woman and the potential problems associated with active sex. Now, I do not want to disillusion or frighten you, but they simply might not make it to the end of the sex act, if that is your mutual intention of course, so that is where your thoughtful planning will come in. Remember, any number of complications could arise as a result of this older woman outdoing herself. She might have trouble breathing or even experience some sort of heart failure during the sex act. Maybe she is taking a lot of medication for various things. She is not going to tell you about that of course, so you have to be on guard for any potential situation. You need to be ready for this possibility. Should the need arise you can pick this older women up with a special cot like the one above if she experiences any kind of threat to her health. Just have it handy and nearby for any calamity that could develop. It is better to be safe than sorry. It will be easy of course and no helper will be required to lift the lady into the cot. Simply lift her up and slide her onto the cot if she cannot complete the sex act and if she is actively failing. You will then be able to remove her easily from your house and bedroom. If you have a garage this might be the most discreet way to handle this kind of situation. Both yourself and the older woman's privacy will be assured by handling her within the confines of your home and with the aid of possibly, an enclosed garage. This is the best way I know how to pick up that older women and move her quietly and cautiously to her next location, whether to a hospital emergency location or back to her home where she can recuperate in peace and quiet. She will most certainly appreciate your thoughtful planning techniques should the need arise. Not all elderly women will need this kind of aid, but some might, so bear that in mind when you are entertaining older women. As a sensitized male you will certainly have scored big in more ways than one, in the eyes of the elderly woman. She will never forget your thoughtlfullness and planning capabilities.
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Friends, I want to talk next about the fat chicks or full-figured girls. You know the kind of woman that I am talking about. The eager, smiling kind. You have all seen them I am sure. There are tons of them out there and they are all looking for love and that special man in their lives. Well, this is your chance to be that special guy for them. Once again, you need to know what to do when the time comes to pick up your extra large woman. Now, as I said at the outset these fat women are hungry for sex just like the next woman. And, fat women are great in bed and are a lot of fun as as I have already told you. But, there are dangers here as I am sure you can appreciate. There are real risks friends when romping with a full-figured woman. Things just might get out of control and she might even fall off the bed and on to the floor. And, friends, well just take a look at the woman below - the hefty lady on the left. ' Yummy, yummy I got love in my tummy ', well, you get the picture.






Think about jumping into bed with a big woman like the one above and humping your little heart out. Tons of fun? You bet. But, again dear friends, think of the risk and the danger of her possibly falling off the bed and on to the ground. The potential for disaster is more real than you may care to think about. She might have had a few too many and she loses control, and then bang- she is on he floor. She is out of action and she is helpless. She may even have suffered an injury as a result of the fall and she cannot move on her own. She is in desperate need of your help. Can you help her to get up? Will you be ready? Will you be able to pick her up without help and get her back on the bed where she wants to be? So that she can continue on with her violent love making once she recovers from the shock and trauma of the fall?




Of course you can because you planned for this moment, you are sensitized once again to the needs of your woman. You already have your winch or crane already set up in your bedroom. And, this device, as shown above, may even be part of the head boarding of your bed. I know that many guys who entertain fat ladies frequently, have these valuable pieces of equipment as standard furniture in their bedrooms. For when those critical moments happen, all you have to do is to simply slide the pulley over to the side and hook the big woman up to it. I would recommend having some longer type belts or even some rope on hand to wrap around the woman so as to secure her to the winch. The fat lady will never love you so much dear friend as in this tender moment of helping her get back to her love nest and love making. She will appreciate your thoughtfulness and your ability to plan for her misfortune. You will be a real hero and the man of her dreams.
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Friends, I have saved the best for last of course. I am talking about all of you guys who fantasize about that hard to get woman. You know the one I mean, the one that everybody else dreams about, but that only Stanley the Stud is able to pull down. The beautiful sexy creature with the lovely breasts and well-formed figure. Miss magic. Friends, trust me on this one. Maybe she even looks something like the woman in this painting below. Beautiful and seductive.


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painting by

George Romney

circa 1782

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Even this woman can be picked up. In fact, she is probably the easiest one to pick up out of all of the types of women that I have already talked about. How can that be you ask? Simple dear friends, and all you need is a little imagination. You simply pick her up and she is in the palm of your hands in no time at all. No equipment outlay, no nothing. Just follow the advice of the Father below and see how he handles these kinds of difficult tasks. See what I mean?
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Yes, friends all women are available for personal relationships and are potential love mates as well. But, the missing ingredient for success between you and them is your knowledge of how to pick them up when the need arises. This is where you will shine in their eyes. You have learned how to pick them up. This is the key ingredient and skill that they are actively searching for. You just have to be able to perform the right techniques and at the right times that is all. Success with women means being prepared and having the right equipment on hand. All women can be picked up, you just need to know how - and you have to be prepared!

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Friends, I graduated from Simon Fraser University in the early seventies.

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And, our motto was:

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" Nous sommes prets " or We are Ready.

Are you?
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The techniques above offered as a public service by the author.

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One of the best:

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Confronting the Evidence
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